The Rapture Actually Occured

Harold Camping, our latest rapture predictor, saw his dates come and go, and still he remains. Obviously, he got the date wrong, very wrong. Not so obvious is that he also got the meaning of rapture wrong, along with all the other rapture predictors, theologians, and linguists.  The men of faith (I’m unaware of a single female predicting the date of the rapture) are of two sorts: those with unreliable sources, and those who are simply charlatans. The scholars and linguists on the other hand are victims of a cover up so vast and ancient that they cannot be rightly be blamed for their naiveté. Academically trained persons are committed to research, fact checking, rational and critical thought. Often these disciplines lead to meaningful and reliable revelation, but when the very sources of information have been planted and tainted, those encumbered with an academic commitment to rationality and reason are unable to see through the ruse, and instead become unwitting agents of the deception.

            To truly understand the misunderstandings and false predictions of the rapture noumenon, one must go way back, and completely suspend all factual constructs and rational thought, for every existing empirical source on the subject has been tampered with, or purely manufactured. The only primary source for the rapture is the Holy Scripture, a collection of documents that clergy rely on unquestionably. And while many of these clergy are also unencumbered by a commitment to rationality, they have been duped because their source document in the language they can understand is based on false translations. Every word in The Bible truly is the word of God, but the translation of those words was subverted by Lucifer herself. Until recently, even the fact that Lucifer is a woman has been hidden, but the truth is slowly coming out of the closet, in large part because of the recent rapture.

            Anyone familiar with The Bible knows that Lucifer was cast out of Heaven, but few know the true reason why (this story will be covered in a later edition). After she was cast out for her aspirations, her bitterness grew to monstrous proportions. Her acrimony drove her to engage in destructive behavior, disrupting the peace of the spirit world, and her new homeland became known as Hell. After Earth was created, Lucifer, still intensely bitter, turned her rage towards God’s creations. The prophet, William Congreve, received a message which he shared with world, “Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned/ Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.” According to our nonexistent source, “Lucifer had the original message altered, she can do that you know. What Billy [William Congreve] was told was, ‘…for Hell is the fallout of a woman scorned.’” God, in his eternal mercy and kindness, has remained on speaking terms with Lucifer, and occasionally meets with her.

            While the translation of The Bible is flawed, it still contains useful revelations. The story of Job in particular reveals the source of the trouble. Lucifer convinced God to “test” Job. What is left out of that story is that there was a bet, a bet which Lucifer won, and God, honorable as ever, has never reneged on payment of the debt. Lucifer won the ability to alter, not The Bible itself, but the language sources used to translate the source documents. The definition of the Greek term which has been translated to connote a rapid or sudden snatching up, actually refers to a process that occurs in spurts over time. The rapture has already occurred, and it has occurred many times. And what is “caught up” is not the body of the persons involved, but rather the Godliness, or goodness in the individuals effected. God truly does love this world, and his children, and has attempted to instill us with love and kindness, a soul. But God is also wrathful when his gifts are rejected, so periodically, he recalls the souls in those who have displeased Him. What are left behind are nasty persons with the ability to do great harm.

            There was a rapture after World War I, which led to the holocaust. The latest rapture occurred in the late 1990’s, setting the stage for the disasters we are still experiencing today. Without their souls, men with ambition and power were able to commit heinous acts such as 9/11, and back securities with subprime mortgages, get them triple A rated, and sell them to unsuspecting buyers around the world. Harold Camping was right that a rapture would occur, he was just wrong about what a rapture actually  is, and late in noticing that it already happened, again.

The Real Reason for the Occupy Movement

The occupy movement stems from vague understandings that something is terribly wrong in our market and our political system. Without power, without wisdom and knowledge, they take action that is within their means. What the fools don’t know is that they are playing right into the hands of the conspirators bent on sucking every last drop of goodness out of this world. It’s all part of the plan. For too long, the working class of America has enjoyed a standard of living that pales the richest life of kings past. Virtually every home has a refrigerator. What a king of old would have given for a cold bottled beer whenever he wanted it. The problem is that that working class living standard drains profit from the shadowy figures hiding behind walls of money. Let us be clear: infant and tyrant come from the same root word. While they do have grown up sophistication and intellect, the conspirators are stuck in a state of infantile desire. They want all the blocks for themselves, and the blocks are made of hundred dollar bills. Now, in the years now gone, we had tyrants at the forefront of public life overtly cracking our heads, raping our daughters, enslaving our sons, keeping us in poverty while they piled gold and wares into castles. Within the public eye, they inspired jealously and revolution. Fast forward to today, and we find they’ve learned how to run the same game from behind the scenes. They put forth politicians as the face of leadership, so anger is directed at them. They send workers to evict you rather than soldiers. “I’m just doing my job” is stated with accurate and absolute sincerity. The police accosting the occupy demonstrators are sent there on orders from high, and they are sent simply to reinforce the narrative that the police are solely public servants. Here is how insidious the conspiracy is. Police officers are public servants. They are your neighbors, union members, working class joes. When someone is displaying despicable behavior, robbery, rape, mayhem, it is the police who deal with them. But that is only because they are only occasionally needed for their true purpose. All systems and institutions of power exist for one purpose, to protect them, their claims to property, their hidden castles, their secret treasure troves, their decadent orgies, from us. The services they provide us are secondary, byproducts that make them more palatable. In some cities, the occupy demonstrations are giving them a chance to rehearse tactics in case they are actually needed, and in other cities the police presence is used to reinforce the idea that the police are actually there solely to serve the public good. The occupy demonstrations posed no threat (except perhaps as a vector for disease) to anyone, and are in fact there, unbeknownst to them, at the bequest of the shadowy tyrants. For if all these college graduates were to have good jobs that provided them with the American standard of living including a house with all the appliances, a car, health care, sick leave, weekends off and vacations, that means that much less for the greedy desires of the conspirators. So they deviously devised a plan, planted seeds with their mind control tools, and inspired the occupy movement with a duplicitous goal. They are training our youth how to live in encampments. Even a cubicle costs too much. Let them work from a tent in the park. So occupyists, as you shiver in your sleeping bag, and shout your slogans, remember that you are paving the way for the new working class. You are setting the standard for living.

Welcome to The Paranoid Herald

For too long, journalists with newspapers, television, radio, and now on the internet have been covering events, feigning objectivity, and essentially writing history. They have "informed" the American public into docile domesticity, and complicity in its own imprisonment within an invisible cage, while the machinations of evil forces lead us to the brink of destruction. Every institution, public and private, is infiltrated with agents of the great conspiracy to suck up every last resource of this divine planet in a stupendous orgy of gluttonous debauchery, to be enjoyed by a handful. As this conspiracy progresses, the great mass of the world's people, many of whom as of this writing are living a meager subsistence existence, will slip towards a world of scarcity, until they find themselves in a spent environment, parched, starving, and choking on the stench from the smoldering piles of festering victims of the insatiable appetites of the perpetrators of this impending tragedy. While there are voices out there warning us of the approaching apocalypse, they speak in a reasoned voice of political diplomacy and objective science. They are seeking political and economic solutions, rendering their efforts ineffective, because the perpetrators of this global treachery view them as unwitting concubines and court jesters. All our institutions have been subverted to the perverse service of the fiends, and act as webs of deceit that bind the efforts of any who would turn us from our path of destruction. They hold the great minds among us as economic hostages, siphoning the ideas from them like a spider drains its prey, using them to create their blueprints. And the bodies of the skilled workers slave for them in cubicles and factories, providing the labor to implement those blueprints and manufacture the devices of our destruction. Here in America, the people are lulled into complacent service with a lifestyle of luxury, turning individuals into bricks in a social wall that surrounds the shadowy conspirators, protecting them from the greater mass of the world's citizens who suffer directly the consequences of the grotesque consumption of our resources. We are covertly but deliberately divided into groups of manufactured opposition, left/right, colored/white, liberal/conservative, rich/poor, country against country. Any division will do if it keeps us at odds with each other, leaving the fiends to drain our world dry. They have stolen the bread truck and we fight over the crumbs. Disinformation disseminated by our supposed sources of journalism contributes to the veil that hides the truth. So why The Paranoid Herald? If you're not paranoid, you're paying too much attention. You have been staring at the spinning spiral, the shiny pendulum of news that has hypnotized you into believing in the value of information and reasonable thought. I'm am not hindered by such chains. I will expose the truth where I can, for I have access to highly unreliable inside sources. By inside, I mean inside my head. The voices there inform me of the truth, truth I will share with you. I will publish weekly, or more often if my sources provide me with scoops. Fear greatly dear reader, and it is here you will find the fuel to feed your fears. I shall bring you the truth, and it will terrify you, and your terror will set you free.

Harold Hoodwinky.